Getting a Life While Being Single


"I'm available, since I do not have a life," Cathy, my client told me when we were trying to schedule our next coaching session. When I probed further, it turned out that although she worked a full time job, had occasional acting assignments, volunteered at a museum, was active with friends and her family-she still considered herself – life-less. Translation: She had no man in her life.

As my fellow Baby Boomers will bear out, I learned at an early age that the right life for a woman was to finish school; become a teacher, nurse or secretary; get married; have kids; stay home and live happily ever after. That was certainly not the life I ended up with and yet some of those old commonorms continued to haunt me.

I'm now 62, it's been twenty years since my last divorce and I acknowledge I may never find Mr. Right. For many years I hoped to find Prince Charming who would save me – or complete me.

Here are three myths I've come to dismiss:

1. Being single means I'm not enough ~ If only I was prettier, thinner, younger etc., a man would love me. How many times have I looked at a woman and said to myself "If she can get someone – how bad am I?"

I finally realized there was nothing wrong with me; maybe too much was right with me. The fact is I do not want just anyone. I want the right one and I am willing to wait. Picking another wrong one is much worse than being alone.

2. Being single means less fun ~ I dreaded going alone to company functions and weddings. I fantasized having this perfect partner-having an in-depth conversation at dinner then dancing up a storm when the music began.

Through the years, I watched many couples spend most of their evening apart. Often the woman wanted to dance and the man did not. And after spending their days and nights together, each of them found others that had not seen in awhile to converse with.

3. Being single limits your social options ~ I can remember walking into a movie alone and was pleased when someone sat next to me so people would not think I was a loser. I've gone to dinner by myself pretending I'm on a business trip – so of course, it's acceptable I'm alone.

While I do prefer having someone along to share most experiences with me, if it's something I really want to do, I'll go alone. Between movies and dinner, I have taken vacations by myself and attended concerts alone (I confess – my friends make fun of my taste in music).

Who could have known that these previous solo adventures would enable me to create my dream life and relocate to a warmer climate? I remember that most people were amazed when I told them I was moving to North Carolina without knowing anyone. I've learned not to waste time waiting for someone or something before I can truly live.

It is your time to get a life, find your passion and create a life that brings you joy and purpose. Live your best life now!

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